PERRYSCOPE

By Perry Diaz   

P-Noy meets the ‘Godfather’

Last December 17, 2010, world boxing icon and Congressman Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao celebrated his 32nd birthday at the posh Shangri-La Hotel in Makati in Metro Manila.  He celebrated it by raffling off cash prizes – P1 million -- and a brand new car.  With an international guest list that included Bob Arum, the “Godfather” of the boxing community, Pacman has come a long way from being dirt poor to filthy rich. 

According to journalist Edwin Espejo, Pacman’s birthday bash was “themed after the classic gangster complete with invitation cards that have him sitting in a sofa smoking a cigar.”  Espejo also said that Pacman invited President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III to his birthday party.

P-Noy’s presence at Pacman’s extravaganza would certainly make international headlines: P-Noy meets the ‘Godfather.’  So, I asked my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec to get the scoop on the event.  A few days before the party, James got from WikiScoops a taped telephone conversation between Pacman and P-Noy.

The conversation goes:

Pacman:  Hello, Mr. President, this is Manny Pacquiao, your loyal congressman from Sarangani.

P-Noy:  Hey, Pacman, my friend.  How are you?

Pacman:  Very well, Mr. Pre…

P-Noy:  Just call me P-Noy.  No need for formalities between us, okay?  Besides, you’re one of my “bosses.”  Hehehe…  Now, what can I do for you, boss?

Pacman:  You know, Mr… I mean, Penoy….

P-Noy:  It’s P-Noy, not Penoy.

Pacman: Sorry, Penoy, but it’s my accent, you know.  I apologize…

P-Noy:  No need to apologize.  I understand.  Just for you I’ll let you call me Penoy.  So, what’s your call all about?  Are you not happy with your pork barrel?

Pacman:  Thanks for the barrel of pork, Penoy.  But I have problem.  I explained to my Muslim constituents that it’s not really pork that they’re getting but lots of moolah.  Then they got mad and accused me of insulting their mullah.  I’m depressed… I don’t know how to explain to them.  But anyway, the reason I’m calling is to invite you to my birthday party.

P-Noy:  Hey, sounds like fun!  Lots of chicks, I hope.

Pacman:  Yup, lots of chicks.  It’s going to be fun!  The motive is “gangsters” like in the movie, “The Godfather.”

P-Noy: Motive?  Hmmm…  Do you mean “motif”?

Pacman:  Same thing.  All my guests have to dress and act like gangsters. 

P-Noy:  Hey, I can be Don Vito Corleone, the Godfather! 

Pacman: Sorry, Penoy, but that’s going to be me. 

P-Noy: How about Michael Corleone?  I don’t mind playing that role.

Pacman:  Sorry, but that’s going to be Ping Lacson.

P-Noy:  Ping Lacson!  I’ll have him arrested!

Pacman:  Well, he’ll come incognito kuno.  But I have a nice role for you, Penoy.  How about coming as Fredo Corleone?

P-Noy:  Fredo Corleone!  Are you kidding?  You think I’m like Fredo who couldn’t shoot straight?

Pacman: Oh, no, no, no.  I know you’re a good shooter.  You’ve got to be.  After all your “shooting buddy,” Rico Puno, is a very good shooting mentor.  That’s why you wouldn’t fire him for bungling the August 23 hostage-taking fiasco, right?  Don’t worry, Penoy, I understand what friendship is all about.  Like the Chinese general Sun Tzu said 2,500 years ago, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” By the way, I also invited Rico and he’s coming as Peter Clemenza, the capo regime of the Godfather. 

P-Noy:  That’s a good choice for Rico.  He even looks the part.  Hehehe…  But back to me, why Fredo?

Pacman:  Well, I thought you’d like that role.  Fredo may not be a good shooter, but he’s a chickboy… like you.

P-Noy:  Hey, I like that.  Hehehe…

Pacman:  And I am going to invite all your former girlfriends, all 18 of them.  You’re going to have a grand reunion with all of them, Penoy.

P-Noy:  Hmmm…  Not good, not at all.  Did you invite Shalani too?

Pacman:  Of course.  Wasn’t she your number 18, your last girlfriend?

P-Noy:  I’m not coming then.

Pacman: I’m surprised you don’t want to see her again. Why?

P-Noy: Basta! (Then he hung up)

James Macaquecquec confirmed that P-Noy did not attend Pacman’s birthday party.  But James said that Shalani attended with Willie Revillame.  They came as Bonnie and Clyde.

Bang bang! Chitty chitty bang bang!

***

Talking about Willie and Shalani…  Manila is abuzz with word that Willie and Shalani’s wedding is set for July 2011.  What a lucky guy! It can be said that P-Noy’s loss is Willie’s gain.

Boom boom! 

(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)