My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec interviewed ex-prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s son, Congressman Juan Miguel “Mikey” Arroyo. The interview went like this:
James: Good afternoon, Congressman Arroyo.
Mikey: Good afternoon,din,James.Just call me Mikey.No need for formalities.
James:Okay, Mikey.First of all, I want to thank you for granting me this interview.
Mikey:Don’t thank me; thank God I did it.So, what do you want to know?You want to hear all thetsismisabout Penoy?Did you hear that his g.f. dumped him and now he’slumiligawto a girl he met in Singapore during his state visit there?
James: I lost track of his girlfriends.Talagang chickboy siya.He he he…
Mikey:Chickboy?Aba,when it comes to chicks, I’m better than Penoy.
James: Hey, you remind me of the movie, “Mikey Blue Eyes.”Have you seen it?
Mikey:Yes, I saw it.But it’s “Mickey Blue Eyes,” not Mikey…
James:Mickey it is then, Mikey.By the way, I heard some people were calling you “Mikey Doe Eyes.”Have you heard about that?
Mikey: “Mikey Doe Eyes”?What the heck does that mean?
James:Well, “Doe” is like the “Do Re Mi” song in the “Sound of Music” movie, which goes: “Doe, a deer, a female deer…”
Mikey: Stop!Look, I’m not a female deer or doe, got that?
James:Got it!But they say that you have doe eyes.He he he…
Mikey:Who told you that?Ang mga walang hiya!
James:Okay, okay, let’s change the subject.Hmm….Here’s a good one.A lot of people were wondering why you were chosen to represent in Congress the “Ang Galing Pinoy” party-list, which represents the marginalized group of tricycle drivers and security guards.What qualifies you to represent them?
Mikey:That’s easy.I’m very, very qualified to represent them cuz I’ve been driving a tricycle since I was three years old!
James: Huh?How is that?
Mikey:Well, my mommy gave me a tricycle for my birthday gift when I was three years old.And I still have it.Every now and then, I’d go to Luneta and drive it around the grandstand at night. It’s fun driving a tricycle.You should try it.He he he…
James: You mean to say you’ve never outgrown it?Why don’t you buy a Porsche sports car just like P-Noy.
Mike:Peeeeeenoy!Grrr… Don’ you mention his name again!Never again! Grrr…
James: Oops!Did I touch a raw nerve?I’m sorry.What happened?
Mikey:That Penoy has the nerve to file tax evasion charges against my wife and me to the tune of P73.85 million!Can you believe that?
James:Whoa!That’s a lot ofmoolah,Mikey!You can buy a Lamborghini with that!
Mikey:Heck, I’d rather buy another mansion in California.
James:Oh, really?You like California, ha?
Mikey:I love California!That’s why I’ve been buying property there.I want to live there when I retire. There are lots of blond chicks over there.He he he…
James:Oh, really?Tell me more about it.
Mikey:You should invest there, too, James.You can buy homes at 25 cents to the dollar.Very cheap!Baratilyo talaga!
James: Oh, really?How many homes have you bought so far?
Mikey:Heck, I’ve lost track.More than you could think of, amigo.
James: Mikey, how can you buy properties in California with your congressman’s salary?
Mikey: My mommy taught me all the tricks.He he he…
James:Oh, like skimming off the top of your pork?
Mikey:You’re a naughty boy, James.Hey, do you think I’d just skim the fat off the top?
James:Oh, I see.You mean, why not take the whole pork,ha?
Mikey: Attaboy, James! You’re catching up fast!
James: Hey, didn’t your mommy get a huge pork this year?I heard something like P2 billion.Is that true?
Mikey:To be exact, it’s two point two billion pesos!
James: And I suppose she also…
Mikey:She’s an expert… and she’s very good at what she does, James!Got it?
James: Yeah, I got it, Mikey, and I’m sick to the stomach!I’m going to puke… terrible!
Mikey:Sorry, I upset you, James.Hoy!What’s that you’re holding?
James:Oh, this is nothing.
Mikey:It’s a tape recorder!!! You’re taping our conversation! You son of…
James:Yep, it’s all recorded and I’m going to turn this over to the Bureau of Internal Revenue!You’re corrupt!You’ll be “Caponized” for tax evasion just like what happened to Al Capone.Ha ha ha…
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