Balitang Kutsero

By Perry Diaz   

“Hello, Garcia”


My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported that a new wiretapped conversation -- similar to the “Hello, Garci” tapes a few years ago -- surfaced in Manila recently.  James sent me a copy of the tape.   


The conversation goes like this:

Garcia: Hello, Garcia here.


Caller: Hello, Garcia. 


Garcia: Who is calling?


Caller:  I won’t mention my name cuz somebody might be recording this conversation. But you should recognize my voice by now.


Garcia: Of course!  I recognize your voice, ma’am.  How can I forget your voice?  It’s one of a kind.  He he he… You’re the same person who called “Garci” a few years ago, right?


Caller:  That’s right, Garcia.


Garcia:  How can I help you, ma’am?


Caller:  Well, I’m concerned that I might be dragged into the Senate investigation on the “pasalubong” and “pabaon” scandal involving my chiefs of staff during my presidency.


Garcia:  It looks like you’re going to be investigated ma’am cuz Angie – may he rest in peace -- sent a letter to Sen. Trillanes, through an emissary, asking him if he knew who was the “powerful person” who was protecting me.


Caller: Did Trillanes say who was protecting you?


Garcia: No, ma’am.  All he said was it was probably somebody in Malacanang – which means… you!   


Caller: That’s very bad.  Now, tell me, if the senators ask you who was protecting you, are you going to rat on me?


Garcia:  Well, ma’am.  I won’t rat on you if you’d give me a ‘pabaon’ cuz you got the lion’s share from the ‘slush funds,’ right?


Caller:  Look, I’ve been your loyal friend and protector, Garcia.  Is this how you’re going to repay me?


Garcia:  But ma’am, you should be the one to repay me for being your “laundry man.  


Caller:  Okay, okay, if you’ll keep quiet, I’ll give you 10% of my take.  Which Swiss bank account would you like it wired to?


Garcia:  That’s fine with me ma’am but I want to make sure I won’t be short changed like you did to the other generals.  How much exactly is 10%?


Caller:  Well, let me think… 10% of P2 billion… is P200 million.  Yes, I’ll wire P200 million to your Swiss bank account as soon as you sign an affidavit absolving me of any involvement in the “slush funds.”


Garcia:  Affidavit?  Well, that would cost you another 5%, ma’am.


Caller:  You’re greedy, Charlie!  Buwaya kang talaga! 


Garcia: Charlie?  I am not Charlie, ma’am.


Caller: Huh? Aren’t you retired Maj. Gen. Carlos Garcia who is being investigated by the Senate on his plea bargaining agreement with the Ombudsman?


Garcia: No, ma’am, I am not Maj. Gen. Carlos Garcia.  I am Special Agent Jose Garcia of the National Bureau of Investigation. I’m assigned to investigate your alleged role as the “powerful person” behind Maj. Gen. Carlos Garcia.


Caller:  I’m going to deny that this conversation took place! Ha ha ha…


Garcia: Ma’am, our conversation is being taped right now and is also being broadcast live in the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee currently investigating corruption in the military.


Caller: I don’t believe it.  You’re bluffing!


Garcia: No, ma’am, I’m not bluffing.  Here… listen to the senators.


Sen. Defensor-Santiago: Hello, Gloria.  This is your old friend, Miriam.  I heard everything you told Special Agent Garcia. 


Sen. Ponce-Enrile:  Hello, Gloria.  This is your old mentor, Johnny.  Sorry, I can’t help you this time. Looks like you’re toast!


Sen. Estrada: Hello, Gloria.  This is Jinggoy Estrada, son of President Joseph Estrada whom you ousted in 2001.  What goes around comes around.  Ha ha ha…


Sen. Trillanes: Hello, Gloria.  This is Sonny Trillanes, your former political prisoner.  Gotcha!  May you rest in pieces.  He he he…


Caller:  You’re all wrong! This is not Gloria!  Mga walang hiya kayong lahat!


The caller then hung up.




Bene Nota: The views and opinions expressed here by the author are personal to him, and do not reflect the views and opinions of the website owners and administrators. Any issue or complaint about the article must be addressed solely to the author, who is solely responsible for the article.