Balitang Kutsero

By Perry Diaz   

Pacquiao meets Obama

World boxing champion and congressman Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao met U.S. President Barack Obama at the White House on February 15, 2011.  The following is the transcript of their tête-à-tête:

Pacquiao: Good morning… I mean, good afternoon, Mr. President.

Obama: Actually it’s still morning here… so, good morning to you, Dr. Pacquiao.

Pacquiao:  Sorry, but I’m still on jet set.  He he he…

Obama: Jet set?  Hmm… Do you mean, jet lag?

Pacquiao: Same thing.  You see, it’s now afternoon, “PI” time.

Obama: “PI” time?  What’s that?

Pacquiao: Oh, ahh…  “PI” is shortcut for Philippine Islands.

Obama: Gee, I haven’t heard of “Philippine Islands” since I was in Indonesia as a young boy.  You are now known as the “Republic of the Philippines,” amigo.

Pacquiao:  But the last time I checked, there were still 7,100 islands in the Philippines, so “Philippine Islands” is correct.  Right, Mr. President? 

Obama: Ahh… Well, yes, you’re correct… “PI” it is then.  Hey, since your visit is not official, just call me Barack, okay?

Pacquiao:  Okay, Barack.  Actually, my visit is just a curiosity call. 

Obama: Curiosity call?  Or do you mean, courtesy call?

Pacquiao: Same thing, same thing.  Hey, your name reminds of Kapeng Barako.

Obama: Kapeng Barako?  What is that?

Pacquiao:  Kapeng Barako is a popular coffee brand favored by macho men…

Obama: Like you!  You’re a macho man, right? Gee, with seven titles…

Pacquiao:  Correction! It’s eight titles in eight weight divisions. 

Obama: Wow! Ex… cuuuuze me! I’m impressed!

Pacquiao: You’re excused, Barack.  Everybody makes mistakes.  Even P-Noy makes a lot of mistakes. He he he...

Obama: So I heard.  Hey, you must have mojo, Manny!  

Pacquiao:  Mojo?  What is that? 

Obama: Well, “mojo” is a magic charm that some macho men have… like you!

Pacquiao:  Magic charm?  Hmm…  You think I’m charming, Barack?

Obama: Oh, no! No no no!  It’s not what you think, my friend.  What I mean is that you have a charm that attracts… ahh… women.  Do you catch my drift?

Pacquiao:  Catch?  Where’s the ball?  Try me cuz I’m a very good catcher.

Obama:  I know you are.  But what I mean is that did you understand what I was saying?

Pacquiao:  Ahh… I think I know what you’re saying.  Yes, I know how to catch chicks.  That’s why they call me “chickboy.” He he he…

Obama: You’re funny, Manny.  You’re my kind of guy… mojo macho man!

Pacquiao: You’re my kind of guy too… mucho barako! He he he…

Obama:  Okay, okay. Ha ha ha… Stop it! My stomach hurts… ha ha ha…  Okay, seriously… Manny, I’d like to ask you a big favor.

Pacquiao:  Anything, Barack.  Just ask.  Your wish is my command. 

Obama:  Well, I know Sen. Harry Reid of Nevada won the election.  It was because of you.  You showed up on stage with him a few days before the election, you smiled and waved your hands without saying a thing.  It was fantastic!  It was all over the news on TV.  And Reid won the election because of your endorsement!  Can you do the same thing for me in my re-election campaign in 2012, my friend?

Pacquiao:  It would be an honor to be on stage with you, Mr. President.  Do you want me to deliver a temporary speech?

Obama: Temporary speech?  Uhh… What’s that?

Pacquiao:  It’s a speech without notes.  Straight from the brain, you know.

Obama: Oh, you mean extemporaneous speech?  And you also mean “straight from the heart,” right?

Pacquiao: Same thing, same thing.

Obama:  Well, to tell you the truth, since it is going to be televised, some Americans might not be able to understand what you’re saying… because of your… uhh… I mean… ahh… just the way you say things.  However, if you just smile and wave your hands, it might… uhh… amuse them and they would vote for me.  You know what I mean, amigo?

Pacquiao:  Mr. President, you insulted me!  I will not campaign for you!  I’ll campaign for Sarah Palin cuz she said she loves my accent.   She said it’s cute. 

Obama: Well, if that is the case, I’ll cancel our photo session.  There will also be no official press release of our meeting. 

Pacquiao:  But Barack, I came all the way from the Philippines just for a photo opportunity with you. 

Obama: Sorry, amigo, I suggest that you go to Alaska and ask Sarah for a photo op with her.

Pacquiao: Ay naku, naloko na!

Obama: I beg your pardon?

Pacquiao: Never mind, I’m getting out of here! Good-bye, barako!

Obama: Bye bye.  Please say “Hi” to Sarah for me.  Ha ha ha…

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Disclaimer:  This “transcript” is fictional and does not represent actual events. However, Pacquiao and Obama actually met but the White House didn’t allow Pacquiao to have a photo opportunity with Obama.

(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)