Balitang Kutsero

By Perry Diaz   

Noynoy’s love fest

President Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III is indeed a man on the fast lane, literally and figuratively.  But driving his Porsche 911 twin-turbo at 200 kilometers per hour isn’t fast enough to catch up with his love life… or should I say, love fest?

Yes, after he broke up with Shalani Soledad last September 2010, he was seen dating Barbie Palagos, Trish Roque, Liz Uy, and, recently, Len Lopez.  But the buzz going around Manila is that Len has dumped Noynoy or vice versa.  Either way, Noynoy is once again the most eligible bachelor in the country today. 

But being the “man on the fast lane,” not having anyone to go joy riding with him in his Porsche in the wee hours of the morning could really drive the man crazy.  So, it did not come as a surprise that when he was in Singapore recently on a state visit, his wandering eyes – like the crosshairs on his gun – locked in on a beautiful young woman. 

Indeed, Sabrina Chua was his type of a woman – slim, chinita, and beautiful.  Sabrina is a news anchor of a Singapore-based news channel. 

But like in the past, Noynoy has always denied the scuttlebutts about his love fest.  But like always, they turned out to be the truth.  Simply put, Noynoy couldn’t outsmart thePinoyparazzi.  They’re just too cunning in following Noynoy’s escapades.

Well, here’s one Pinoyparrazo’s account of a telephone conversation between Noynoy and Sabrina:

Noynoy: Hello, Sabrina?

Sabrina: Yes, this is Sabrina.  Who’s this? 

Noynoy: This is Noynoy.  Remember me?

Sabrina:  Oh, hello, Mr. President!  What a pleasant surprise.  Of course, I remember you. How can I forget a 51-year old man climbing up 24 floors?  I’m amazed! How did you do it? Were you on steroids?  Joke only.  He he he…

Noynoy:  That’s funny.  Hey, just call me Noynoy.  Well, you know, what actually kept me going was that I was right behind you.  Ha ha ha…

Sabrina:  Naughty, naughty boy.  Hmm…

Noynoy:  Just kidding. Ha ha ha… Seriously, I want to invite you to visit my country as my personal guest.  I’ll roll the red carpet for you.

Sabrina:  Oh, how nice of you, Noynoy.  But, with your busy schedule, how can you have time with me?

Noynoy:  I have all the time for you, Sabrina, cuz I have a Vice President who’s busy conducting a survey on whether to bury Marcos at the Heroes’ Cemetery or not.  I have an Executive Secretary who’s busy writing executive orders, presidential proclamations, memoranda, and nasty letters for me.  I have a “Chief Troubleshooter” who does all the dirty work for me including trouble-shooting my Porsche 911 twin-turbo and bullet-proof Lexus SUV.  I have three media men whose job is to tell conflicting stories to confuse the opposition.  I have a young speechwriter whose job is confuse the audience.  And I have two “shooting buddies” who advise me on politics and security matters.

Sabrina: Gee, that’s called delegation!  What’s left for you to do, then?

Noynoy:  Not a whole lot, Sabrina.  At night I have nothing else to do at my Bahay Pangarap but play with my XBOX 360.

Sabrina:  No kidding!  That’s my favorite past time, too!

Noynoy:  I also love to drive my Porsche 911 at 200 kilometers per hour.

Sabrina: No kidding!  I love fast cars, too!

Noynoy:  Hmm… Do you also like shooting?

Sabrina: Yes!  I love shooting… especially drug mules!  Just kidding. He he he…

Noynoy: Hmm… Do you like joy riding in the middle of the night, too?

Sabrina: Yes! I love it! I love it!  I love the rush!

Noynoy: Me, too!

Sabrina:  We have a lot of things in common, Noynoy.  We’re compatible. 

Noynoy: Yes! Let’s meet this weekend then.  We’ll go joy riding to the hacienda.

Sabrina:  And then what, my dear?

Noynoy: Well… uh… We’ll have lots of fun!  Let’s do it!

Sabrina:  Uh… I don’t know, Noynoy.  Somebody told me that you’re a chickboy and have a new girlfriend every two months.  

Noynoy:  That’s true but I just have a feeling that you’re the right woman to be my First Lady, Sabrina.

Sabrina:  How nice, Noynoy.  Does that mean I’ll go shopping and jet setting like what Imelda used to do?

Noynoy:  Yes!  I’ll even buy you 3,000 pairs of shoes.  Then you can go shopping in New York and dine at Le Cirque like what Gloria used to do.  Would you come this weekend then?  Pleeeeze.

Sabrina:  Actually, I’m already here in Manila, Noynoy.

Noynoy:  No kidding!  Where?

Sabrina:  Well, I’m here on stage with a mutual friend.  Here she is. She wants to talk to you.

Noynoy:  Hello. Who’s this?

Shalani:  This is Shalani, Noynoy!

Noynoy:  Shalani!!!  What are you doing with Sabrina?

Shalani: Sabrina is our special guest in “Willing Willie” tonight and your conversation with her is being aired right now.  Right, Willie?  Here’s Willie, Noynoy.

Willie: Hi, Noynoy!  Welcome to “Willing Willie.”  Hey, you wanna join us?

Noynoy:  Stop it!  I want to talk to Sabrina.

Sabrina: Sorry, Noynoy, but I can’t meet you… ever. 

Noynoy: Why???

Sabrina:  Because Shalani told me all about you.  Good-bye.

Noynoy: Ay naku.  Naloko na!

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NOTE:  This conversation is unverified and it appears to be a work of fiction.  However, all the characters are real.

(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)